|Season 3, Episode 10|
|Air date||Novemeber 26, 2006|
|Written by||Bob Daily|
|Directed by||Larry Shaw|
"No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds"
Ian wants Susan to meet his parents. He invited her to dinner on Saturday. Susan wants to make reservations at the restaurant but Ian wants her to make the dinner. She tells him that she doesn’t know how to cook and that she will kill them if she makes anything. Ian really wants her to make something and she says that she will give it a shot.
Gabrielle and Vern are looking at the girls. They are practicing their runway moves. Amy is horrible and Gaby wants to kick her out of the team and to focus more on Sherry because she is the best. Gaby tells Vern that they will do it together.
Bree brings breakfast to Gloria. Gloria is watching some old videotapes of her Orson and Alma back in happy days. Gloria asks Bree if she had decided what she shall do about Orson. Gloria tells her that she will get over him just as she did.
Lynette is talking with some mom and she wants to have a meeting with all moms to figure out what to do with Art. Rebecca comes and tells Lynette that Art just got fired, that he got spit on, and everybody ignores them or humiliates them. Rebecca also tells her that she is not well and that she can’t handle that stress and pressure.
Susan tells Bree about Ian and his parents’ dinner thing and she wants to impress them and she asks Bree if she can make something for her. Bree tells Susan about Orson.
Edie is pissed off at Mike because of the tool box. Police arrives and arrests Mike. Bree is happy because of that but Susan is not.
Gabrielle and Vern want to talk with Amy’s father about Amy. They walk into the room and Gabrielle falls for Amy’s father Bill Pearce. Vern wants to say to Bill in polite way about Amy but Gabrielle changes her mind and wants Amy to stay and it turns out that she needs a private practice.
Mike is in jail and he is talking with Edie about the situation. He needs a good lawyer and tells her that Monique’s blood was found on his wrench. Edie breaks up with him because she is completely out of her mind with the whole situation.
Susan comes to see Mike and he tells her about Edie and her breaking up with him. She tells him that she will help him out. His bail is a million dollars. Susan tells him that she believes that he is innocent and he tells her that he has all those strange flashes where he sees Monique’s face.
Gabrielle gives private lessons to Amy but she is flirting with hers dad. He tells her that they will have dinner together tonight. Amy walks in and asks them if they saw the move she made. They tell her that they will watch now but she figures out that Gabrielle is hitting on her dad.
Ian walks in and Susan tells him that she is busy finding the best lawyer for Mike. Susan tells him not to be jealous because they are just friends now.
Bree is trying to call Orson but he is not answering. The girls are having poker and Susan is late. Susan and Bree fight over Monique and Susan thinks that Orson is guilty while Bree thinks that Mike is. They have massive fight and Susan leaves and Bree won’t make her a dinner. Susan is leaving but then sneaks and takes the keys to Orson’s office.
Lynette is meeting with all the moms and they decided to make a protest in front of Arts house. Lynette just wanted to warn them about the pedophile but they want to make a protest.
Susan walks into Orson’s office. She goes through his stuff but then he walks in and she hides in one room for old stuff. There she goes through the stuff.
Bill invites Gaby for cup of coffee after and she will be there. Amy tells Gaby to leave him alone. Gaby tells her that she is not planning to replace her mom and Amy tells her that she is. She wants her daddy to marry Sherry’s mom and then they will be real sisters.
Orson finished eating his pizza and goes into bathroom to brush his teeth. Susan tries to get out now but Bree enters and Susan returns into that old stuff room.
Bree asks Orson why didn’t he returned any of her calls and he tells her that he was afraid of divorce. She tells him that they arrested Mike for Monique’s murder. She wants to hear the whole truth.
Gabrielle tells Sherry that she is the best so she arranged for her to dance with her best friend Amy at the beauty contest. Sherry tells her that Amy sucks and that they can’t dance together. Gaby tells her that Amy already knows that so Sherry will have to tell her herself and tells her that friends come and go but crown is forever.
Orson tells Bree that Gloria pushed him into marriage with Alma. He never really loved Alma and she tricked them by getting pregnant but she had a miscarriage. He thought that he would feel love for Alma as time goes by but he didn’t. And then he met Monique. He didn’t want to tell her that because she told him about Rex and how he cheated on her. Orson tells her that he stayed into marriage because of his mother. She went crazy after his father died. Bree tells him to come home and that they will toss his mother out on her evil ass.
Susan is still in that room getting nervous and then she goes through his stuff and finds a paper. It writes on the paper that he was in a mental institution for mental depression.
Susan is home and she brought fast food. Ian is mad because of her Mike obsession and his parents didn’t come because of the flight. She tells him that she is sure that Orson is guilty and shows him evidence. Ian doesn’t care because Susan worries more about Mike then about him. Ian tells her that he will hire the best lawyer in town on one condition she can’t see Mike anymore. Susan agrees.
People are in front of Art’s house making a big protest. Tom tells Lynette that that is all her fault.
Sherry told Amy about the situation and Amy tells her that she hates her. Gaby calls Bill and asks him to go out of Saturday night.
Art comes out and rock kicks him in the head. His sister had a cardiac arrest and she is transported to hospital. Lynette tries to apologize but he won’t listen.
Bree and Orson pack Gloria’s stuff. They bought her a condo. She continues to threaten Orson but he won’t listen. Gloria makes a call and tells the unknown person on the phone to meet on the corner in one hour.
Lynette talks with Art. She heard about Rebecca and her death. She wants to help him but he tells her that his sister always saw the best in him. Lynette is in shock and asks him where he is moving. He tells his final goodbye and tells her to take care of her beautiful family.
Mary Alice: "The annual block party was a winter tradition on Wisteria Lane. It was a way for the residents to spread holiday cheer. Everyone was invited, including Art Shepard, the newest resident of Wisteria Lane. But as the big night drew near, more than holiday cheer was being spread around. By Sunday evening, most of the gossiping had subsided, and the neighborhood was once again consumed by the spirit of the season. Friends laughed over eggnog, lovers kissed under mistletoe, and the mood was jolly. That is, until a certain guest made his appearance. Yes, for the residents of Wisteria Lane, it was the most wonderful time of the year. But for Arthur Shepard and his sister, it had turned out to be a very silent night."
Susan: "You have to kiss me. It's the law."
Susan: "I assume this means they know about me?"
Ian: "But of course."
Susan: "And they know about me as in" (in a bad British accent) "Mum, Dad, bloody good news. I've got myself a smashing new girlfriend."
Ian: "That's adorable. Please don't do it in front of them."
Susan: "Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?"
Ian: "I just assumed that you were lazy."
Susan: "I wish. My cooking is not good."
Ian: "Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal."
Susan: "Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?"
Ian: " Now nothing elaborate. Just a simple roast and, uh, and something appropriate to go with it."
Susan: "Right...like an ambulance."
Vern: "Poor thing, she tries so hard."
Gabrielle: "Yeah, she's a trooper. Let's dump her."
Vern: "How will I tell her family?"
Gabrielle: "We'll do it together. We'll be very diplomatic."
Vern: "Are you sure about this? The poor kid's been through the wringer and—"
Gabrielle: "Amy! For God sakes, Little Miss Snowflake does not scratch down there!"
Vern: "Well, then again, her mother died a year ago. How long is she gonna milk it?"
Bree: "What are you watching?"
Gloria: "Home movies."
Bree: "It's fun looking back at the past, isn't it?"
Gloria: "Well, it's one way to kill time while you're waiting for death."
Bree: "We also have cable."
Bree: "It's not that easy. I love him."
Gloria: "You'll get over it. I did."
Susan: "So I'm cooking dinner for Ian's parents tomorrow night, and it's the first time I'm meeting them, so I sort of wanna impress them."
Bree: "And yet you're cooking?"
Susan: "What's going on?"
Mrs. McCluskey: "They just arrested Mike for murder."
Mrs. McCluskey: "They're saying he killed that woman on the news, that Monique person."
Bree: "Oh, thank God!"
Vern: "Well, when it comes to performing, she's not exactly...well, she tends to be...feel free to jump in."
Gabrielle: "I have no idea where you're going with this."
Vern: "Well, as Gaby and I discussed, Amy has certain limitations and her odds of winning are slim."
Gabrielle: "Vern! He is so competitive. I constantly have to remind him they're just kids. When did you lose the joy?"
Vern: "Oh, I think you know."
Edie: "I don't know if you picked up on this, Mike, but...I haven't been happy."
Mike: "No, I didn't pick up on it."
Edie: "Well, I wanted to tell you this weeks ago, and I wish that I had, because now I know you're gonna think that I'm breaking up with you over this whole blood on the ax thing."
Edie: "Whatever. But believe me, that's not it. It's just...we are moving too fast."
Mike: "What are you trying to say?"
Edie: "Well, maybe we should just take a break. You know, date other people."
Mike: "You're telling me this on the day I'm put in a men's prison?"
Edie: "Well, I said the timing was bad. I am sorry. I, I really am. I just can't do this."
Susan: "Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?"
Mike: "I doubt it. She dumped me today."
Susan: "What? Why?"
Mike: "Well, I was arrested for murder."
Susan: "Still. It's tacky."
Ian: "Well, you, uh, you may not be a good cook but you're certainly a tidy one."
Susan: "Don't worry. Dinner's all taken care of. We're having blanquette de veau and a grand marnier soufflé."
Ian: "Well, that's very ambitious of you, and, uh, when will Bree be done making it?"
Susan: "Five-thirty. But I am rewarming it all by myself."
Susan: "What are you saying? You think Mike is guilty?"
Lynette: Hey, why don't we start that girl talk?"
Gabrielle: "I'll get the ball rolling. Anybody have a yeast infection?"
Bree: "They found Monique's blood on the wrench that Mike was trying to dispose of. I mean, that hardly screams innocence."
Susan: "Her teeth were pulled. You don't think that's worth telling the cops she was messing around with a dentist?"
Susan: "If you're so sure that Orson is innocent, why don't we go through his things? Where's his desk?"
Bree: "At his office. And what did you think you'd find there anyway?"
Susan: "I don't know. A blackmail letter, a necklace made of teeth?"
Susan: "Well, I am certainly not playing with a woman that is willing to let Mike take the fall for her psycho husband."
Bree: "Well, needless to say, I won't be cooking dinner for Ian's parents."
Susan: "Fine. I'll cook myself."
Bree: "Good. Let me know if there are any survivors."
Susan: "And if you take Orson back, you do the same."
Gert: "Rita, I want the word "pedophile" to really stand out. Do we have any glitter?"
Mrs. McCluskey: "Say "molester." It sounds scarier."
Gabrielle: "Well, she's your best friend. Why don't you just tell her the truth? She'll understand."
Sherri: "What if she doesn't?"
Gabrielle: "Well, friends come and go, but a crown is forever."
Susan: "You know, Mike barely remembers me. What makes you so sure he would fall in love with me again?"
Ian: "What a perfectly asinine question. How could he not?"
Lynette: "Yep. Go ahead, say it. I know you want to."
Tom: "This is all your fault. You should've listened to me."
Lynette: "I know. But be fair. There is no way I could've anticipated this."
Tom: "You tell people Frankenstein's on the loose, then you're surprised to see the torch-wielding villagers?"
Gloria: "Where are you sending me?"
Bree: "Oh, we've rented you a condo in a lovely retirement community. It's our Christmas gift to you."
Gloria: "So you're exiling me? Cutting me off from my new grandchildren?"
Bree: "That's our gift to them."
Art: "Hey. You know, in a weird way...I should thank you. My sister was...a really wonderful person. She always saw the best in me. But there were things she couldn't see...or chose not to, God love her."
Lynette: "What do you mean?"
Art: "I think you know. See, I always knew that I had to take care of Rebecca, so I could never let myself...slip and do something that would hurt her. But now...I'm free...and all because of you."
Lynette: "You can't stay here."
Art: "Oh, don't worry. I'm already packed."
Lynette: "Where are you going?"
Art: "Why, you gonna write? Well, good-bye, Lynette. You take care of that beautiful family of yours."
Mary Alice: "There's a reason people can't wait for Christmas, and it has little to do with family reunions or curling up with a cup of eggnog or that unexpected kiss beneath the mistletoe or receiving a present from that special someone. No, people look forward to Christmas because they know it's a time for miracles."
"Listen to the Rain on the Roof" ·
"It Takes Two" ·
"A Weekend in the Country" ·
"Like It Was" ·
"Nice She Ain't" ·