Desperate Housewives
Season 3, Episode 1
Air date September 24, 2006
Written by Marc Cherry
Jeff Greenstein
Directed by Larry Shaw
Episode Guide
"No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds"

Plot Edit

Season 3 opens with a flashback. We meet Orson’s first wife Alma and we find out that Orson is a male version of Bree, complete perfectionist. Just before noon something inside Alma broke and she decided that it was time for her to leave him. So she waited until Orson left for work and then started packing. She was ready to go but then she fell and her parrot flew out of the cage and didn’t want to return. She started to call for him. Orson was driving and then he noticed that there was a stain on his coat so he decided to return home and to put on a new one. He returned home and saw Alma with luggage and then he just shut the door.

Next morning the neighbor Carolyn Bigsby stop by to see why Alma didn’t show on their coffee date. She entered the house and saw Orson cleaning it. She asked for Alma but Orson told her that she left and that he doesn’t know where she is. But then parrot said “Orson no”. Carolyn exited the house and Orson get rid of the parrot as he leaves the empty cage in front of the house.


It is raining on Wisteria Lane. Bree went on her first date with Orson Hodge a date that ended with a kiss in the rain. Gabrielle was describing the details of her husband’s affair to her lawyer. Lynette was meeting with Nora and her husband’s love child Kayla, resisting the urge to strangle the girl’s mother. Susan found out that Mike Delfino had been injured in the car accident and was now in a come at hospital. Edie was putting up for sale sing on the lawn of the house where Mary Alice used to live.


We catch up with our ladies six months after.

Edie is trying to sell the Young house for six months now. Karen McClusky is telling to people about the freak accident that happened in this house including the two fingers of Felicia Tillman who was never found. Edie knocks her out of the house.

Lynette is having a Christmas family picture but Nora wants to be there too. Lynette is freaking out but if Nora is not their family then Kayla is not their family. They have a picture but just before it was taken Nora jumps all over the sofa and ruins it completely.

Gabrielle is bringing breakfast to Xiao-Mei who is on a bed rest because of her pregnancy. She is not pleased with the food and asks Gabrielle to rub her feet because they are sour. Gabrielle doesn’t want to do that and Xiao-Mei calls her a bitch and Gabrielle tells her then that she will send her back to China to work.

Susan is at the hospital shaving Mike horribly and making so many cuts. Doctors don’t believe that Mike will return but Susan isn’t losing hope.

Orson and Bree have a dinner and during the desert Orson makes a wedding proposal but Bree says that she hasn’t been happy in love since Rex died. Orson says the same thing he had since Alma left him. Finally Bree agrees.

We meet the new character Ian Hanseworth. His wife had been in a come for three years, she fell down from a horse. He is in room next to Mike’s where Susan comes every day. And so they started socializing and Ian started to like Susan more and more each day. He bought her a watch and she took and then she realized that she was late for lunch at one o’clock with her girlfriends.

Bree is sorry for being late. They have lunch near golf course and there is a construction set nearby for new golf shop. Bree is talking with her friends and inviting them to dinner to make an announcement. But she can’t wait so she tells them about the marriage. They are all very happy but they are all also thinking that it is maybe too fast. Bree confesses that she didn’t have sex yet and Gabrielle is in shock.

Lynette invited Kayla to Parker’s birthday party but she told Nora that they are having a quiet afternoon at home. Tom freaks out because he is afraid of Nora’s reaction if she finds out. Lynette freaks out but Tom says that Lynette is scarier.

Susan brings strawberry smoothie to Ian and he asks her out for a date. That struck her so hard that she spilled her smoothie all over Jane, Ian’s wife. She manages to cover the stains but asks nurse later to clean her.

Parker is having a birthday party and Nora calls on phone and she finds out about it but Lynette continues to lie about it. Lynette is sure that Nora will be come in five minutes so they are moving all the stuff to Gabrielle’s house.

Edie is trying to sell the house to one couple and they want a quiet neighborhood for they retirement. Edie tells them that Wisteria Lane is the most peaceful are and opens the door just to see a dozens of children running towards Gaby’s house.

Lynette managed to move everything to Gaby’s house but she forgot the cake. She comes home to take it but then Nora comes. She hides the cake and asks Nora if everything is OK. Nora thought that they were having a party but Lynette lies. Just in that moment a kid runs out of the bathroom and asks were are everybody.

Nora wants her daughter but Lynette won’t tell her where is the party. She saw a balloon flying away from Gaby back yard. They start to run towards it. Lynette comes first but won’t let Nora inside. She starts to scream for Kayla and she comes out. Nora tells her that they are going home. Tom is on Nora’s side but then Lynette is so mad and Tom changes his minds and support Lynette. On the end Nora allows Kayla to stay but there better be a quarter peace of cake waiting for her.

Gabrielle brings breakfast to Xiao-Mei but she is not in the bed. Gaby find out that Xiao-Mei took all of her stuff and ran away.

Gabrielle went to Carlos place and asks him if he by any chance saw Xiao-Mei.

They go together to one restaurant to China Town. Gabrielle finds a person who is a good friend with Xiao-Mei but she doesn’t want to speak with Gaby as she threatened to send her back to China. Finally she throws mushu pork all over Gabrielle shirt.

Edie is again trying to sell the house to gay couple and she opens the storage just to find out that Xiao-Mei is hiding inside.

Bree had an ice cream with Orson but he is horny and wants to have sex. But Bree is strong and she doesn’t want to have sex before their wedding.

Susan comes and speaks with Mike who is still in a coma. She confesses that she is lonely and she really needs someone. She is asking for his permission if she can go on a date with Ian but Mike won’t wake up.

Edie informs Gabrielle that Xiao-Mei is safe. She says to Carlos that she is going to be stuck at home with a baby and Xiao-Mei will go and live her American dream. When Carlos says he is sorry he starts to talk about him but Gabrielle leaves.

Orson is washing glasses but Bree tells him not wash them because she already washed them. He just wanted to make them sparkle more and Bree is turned on. They have sex and Bree has her first orgasm. She rushes to her doctor and tells her how she felt and doctor tells her that she experienced a first real orgasm.

Bree is having an announcement party and everyone is happy. Then someone knocks on the door. It is Carolyn Bigsby, Orson’s ex neighbor. She makes a scene and tells everyone that Orson killed his wife. She tells Bree to leave him. Bree wants her out of her house but Carolyn tells her that she will be missing too.

Bree has a conversation with Orson. He tells her that his wife left him and that he was granted a divorce on grounds of abandonment. They continue to have a party.

Rain is still falling on Wisteria Lane.

And we see a golf construction site. We see closer and closer into the hole and we finally see half of the body which was buried there.