Desperate Housewives
Season 3, Episode 8
Air date November 12, 2006
Written by Kevin Etten
Jenna Bans
Directed by Wendy Stanzler
Episode Guide
"Beautiful Girls"

Plot Edit

Karen McClusky had always believed in helping others, whether they wanted her help or not. She painted the neighbors’ garage door blue because he never has a time for that. She found Bexter the cat and returned it to Ida. She took Christmas lights for Alberta because Christmas was like six months ago.

Mrs. McClusky’s helping hand was known throughout the neighborhood but today it was about to get slapped.

She is trying to open Mike’s garage door but Edie comes out of his house and asks Karen what she is doing. Edie is preparing Mike’s house for tomorrow because he is returning back from hospital and asks Karen where she found the keys. Karen tells Edie that Mike gave her in case of emergency but then confesses that she found it. Karen just starts his motor so the engine doesn’t get rusty but she mows her own lawn with it.

Edie tells her that she will call the police if she gets anywhere near the house. Karen then tells her that she found the pictures of Susan that she had thrown out and saved them and she can show them to Mike anytime she likes. Edie gives her the permission to use the motor.

Karen McClusky believed in helping others which she felt gave her the right to help herself.

Each year Fairview scouts give a donation and the girl who sold most of the magazines will get a shiny new bike.

Little girl comes to Gabrielle and asks her about the offers but then she misspelled Vogue and Gabrielle corrects her mistake and tells her that she was on the cover. Gabrielle shows her all those pictures and little girl asks her why did she quit and Gabrielle tells her that she fell in love and moved to the suburbs. The little girl asks her will she starts modeling again because what else can she do.

Gabrielle is with Bree and Susan in front of Lynette’s house and tells them that she is ready to go back to modeling. Lynette comes back from the hospital and her friends are here to welcome her back. Lynette tells them that the kids don’t know what happened she made up the story. They all go inside the house but Lynette just goes to the neighbor Art and thanks him for saving her life. She doesn’t know if there is anyway that she can express her gratitude and then she tells him that she will bake him a pie because she never does that and that is big.

Bree is preparing Christmas card for everyone a little bit early this year because she is in that mood. She asks Orson for the address of the nursing home where her mother is staying. She is somewhere in Lakeview and Bree tells him that she thought that she was somewhere far away. Why didn’t he visit her? Orson tells Bree that it breaks his heart to see her now senile in the nursing home.

Ian and Susan arrived in front of Susan house to check on Julie. Susan wants to have a reason why did they come so early. They walk into the house and Julie is with Austin making out. Susan freaks out and tells Julie that she is forbidden to see Austin. They continue to argue and Julie tells her that she will continue to see Austin.

Mike is home from hospital but he doesn’t fell like home. Edie tells him that he needs time.

Detective Ridley is with lawyer about Monique and Mike’s phone number written on her hand palm. Her head wound was made with pipe; pipe’s that only professional plumbers have.

Marcella, model agent, is talking on the phone and Gabrielle walks in. Gabrielle is ready to go back to modeling again but the last time they spoke she couldn’t wait to quit. She tells Marcella that she is divorced and Marcella refreshes her memory and tells her that she called her a career obsessed lesbo who would die alone and be eaten by her cats but Marcella gives her another chance.

Bree is at the nursing home. Nurses points to one direction. Bree talks to one elderly woman and she asks her why she is talking to her like she is a moron. Bree tells her that she is looking for Gloria Hodge but it turns out that she is Gloria.

Bree is surprised how lucid she is but Gloria tells her that Orson is only wishing that she is senile. They have a very bad relationship. Gloria thinks that he is cold, rigid and can’t let go of the past while she refuses to die. Bree invites her to a dinner.

Lynette and Tom are waiting for kids from school. She just finished talking to Ed and she got a free time with pay. Kids come out of the bus and ask Lynette if she got shot and if the crazy lady shot auntie Nora dead. Lynette tells them that she shouldn’t have lied but she just wanted to protect them. They will all see auntie Nora up there … or wherever. Parker asks what if the crazy lady comes back and they tell him that she is with auntie Nora up there…or wherever.

Julie goes away with Austin and Susan goes to talk with Edie and tells her to keep her nephew away from her daughter. She tells her that the more they try to keep them apart the more they will try to be together.

Susan tells her that they will end up having sex. Edie tells her that she has a box of condoms and 11 are missing she only used 8 of them. Mike gets out of the house and asks Edie to help him about his tie and she tells him that she will be there in a second. Edie tells her that if two people are meant to be together there is nothing anyone can do about that.

Lynette is giving tips to McClusky if kids go wild because she needs to go to the store. Parker hears that and won’t let her go. McClusky goes to the store instead.

Gabrielle is at the spot. She tells Tanya her co model for today not to be nervous. She tells her that the photographer is an old friend of hers. Tanya tells her that she has been modeling for two years she was on the six magazine covers and she is sleeping with photographer. There is a wardrobe and Gabrielle falls in love with one dress but the designer tells her that mom stuff is at the end.

She is in a hideous outfit and she will be mom on the picture. She asks photographer if any changes can be made and he tells her that there can’t. She tells him that she just needs a moment to get into character.

She gets out in five minutes in totally sexy outfit and tells them that she is hot mom. They call her agent.

Austin and Julie are with Susan. She tells them that she hates to be negative mom and she wants them to meat the real negative cop. Karl walks in and talks with Austin but then he finds out about Ian and asks Susan about him. Julie tells Karl that he is married. Karl freaks out and leaves. Susan tells Julie to go to her room and Austin leaves too.

Twins are playing around but Parker just wants to be with Lynette. Lynette goes to Art and asks for favor.

Art comes with Lynette and they talk with Parker. Lynette tells Parker that he saved his life because he is a superhero. Art says that he is Protectorman because he protects people and then, because Parker doesn’t believe, he shows him his P sign (on his shirt). Lynette tells Parker not to worry because Art will protect her and Parker goes outside and play.

Mike returns home and police is all over the place. Detective Ridley shows him the papers for search warrant. They can’t find the tool box.

Marcella comes and she is all pissed off at Gabrielle. She tells her that she is not the star anymore they moved on and she is nobody in the modeling world. Gabrielle is sad but she does the pictures anyway.

McClusky stops by Mike’s house and asks him if he remembers her. He thinks that she is Martha Huber but McClusky tells him about her horrible death. She returns him the tool box and tells him to clean the wrench because it has ‘’something’’ on it.

Orson comes home and sees Gloria with Bree. He speaks with Bree and he is absolutely horrified and she is mad at him for lying to her. Orson will be polite and nothing more.

They are all having dinner and Gloria asks for recipe but Bree can’t give away the secret. Gloria asks Orson if everything is OK but Orson knows that she has an ulterior motive. Gloria tells him that she wants out of that nursing home and she says to Orson that he promised her that she will be back home once her hip is well. Orson tells her that he sold the house and everything. Gloria completely freaks out.

Susan is looking through the window and Julie walks by and asks if there is any more dirty laundry. Susan tells her that all she wants is to protect her and she picks the dirty laundry and tells Julie to finish her homework. Julie walks and looks through the window and sees Mike with Edie.

A man from nursing home came to take Gloria back but before he leaves he wants to use a bathroom. Bree tells Gloria to work things out and Gloria tells her that she can’t work anything out with Orson and then she sees that keys are in the car and tells Bree to get in. Gloria starts the car and tells Bree that she is not going back to that horrible nursing home.

Orson is with the man from nursing home and then they hear the car. She crashed the car and water started to rush all from the ground.

Bree tells Orson that it would be best for Gloria to stay with them until they find a good place for her. Orson is so cold to her and tells Bree that she is a monster. Bree wants to know what did Gloria or he did so that they hate each other so much. Gloria walks in and wants to speak with her son. Gloria tells him that she will tell Bree what it is all about. Orson can’t resist anymore. Gloria won and she will stay at Bree’s house.

Gabrielle returned home and Susan walks by and asks her how it was in New York. She tells her that she is done with modeling. Susan is happy that she didn’t move to New York. Susan tells her that her life is an adventure and that she can’t wait to see what she will do next.

Lynette made Art a cake and she brought it with Parker. It turns out that nobody is home but the doors are open. They walk inside and Lynette leaves the cake but Parker follows the train into the basement. She follows Parker and sees that basement is full of arcade games and toy. But then she sees a wall full of half naked boys. Lynette freaks out and leaves with Parker.

Mary Alice says: There are so many things we wish we could tell the young.

We want to tell them no to grow up so fast but they won’t listen. Julie is with Austin.

We want to tell them that beauty fades but they refuse to believe. Tanya is taking new photos.

We warn them that their actions will have consequences but still they defy us. Gloria moves into Bree’s house.

But children will too soon discover that the world is a dangerous place. Little scout girl is talking with Art and Lynette looks in shock.

Quotes: Edit

Mary Alice: "Karen McCluskey had always believed in helping others, whether they wanted her help or not. Yes, Mrs. McCluskey's helping hand was known throughout Wisteria Lane. But on this day, it was about to get slapped. Yes, Karen McCluskey believed in helping others, which she felt gave her the right to help herself. Each year as part of their fund-raising drive, the Fairview Adventure Scouts would award a shiny new bike to whoever sold the most magazine subscriptions. And each scout would set out utterly convinced the prize would be hers. That's the beauty of youth. Little girls believe anything is possible...that is, until they grow up and get divorced."

Lynette: "I'm gonna make you a cake."

Art: "A cake?"

Lynette: "Yeah. I never make cakes. This is huge."

Art: "In that case, thanks."

Orson: "Christmas carols? It's not even Thanksgiving."

Bree: "I'm starting my cards early this year. It puts me in the mood to spread holiday cheer."

Andrew: "With the pack of lies in this family newsletter, she spreads holiday denial."

Bree: "Andrew, it's etiquette. Nobody wants to read the truth at Christmas."

Orson: "Well said, darling."

Orson: "Bree, I refuse to sit in a room that smells of disinfectant and lime Jell-O, making small talk with a woman who doesn't remember me. Now let it go, damn it. But by all means, do send a card. The elves will tickle her."

Susan: "Okay, I thought the restaurant was fantastic and you were the fussy snob who was impossible to please."

Ian: "Why do I have to be the fussy snob?"

Susan: "Because you're British."

Ian: "Fine. But I trust you'll make it up to me later by doing the things a gentleman expects when he's sprung for lobster."

Susan: "Julie, that boy drinks, he steals, and now I find him mauling you on my couch? That's it. I forbid you to see him."

Julie: "You can't do that. I choose who I date."

Susan: "Yeah? Well, I choose to ground you. Two weeks, baby."

Julie: "Fine, I'll just see him at school."

Susan: "Well, then you won't go to school. I'll home school you."

Julie: "Right, you're gonna teach me trig? You can't even balance your own checkbook."

Susan: "Yes, and you will be poorly educated, and you won't get into college, and you will work for minimum wage for the rest of your life, all because of that boy! I hope you're happy!"

Tom: "So what did Ed say? When do you have to go back to work?"

Lynette: "He said take as much time as I want with pay."

Tom: "You should get gunned down more often."

Twin: "Mommy, were you shot?"

Lynette: "Shot? Where did you hear that?"

Twin: "Jordan Blackwelder."

Tom: "That's the same little creep who tried to ruin Santa Claus!"

Tom: "And look, the good news is, mommy's fine now. And we'll all see auntie Nora again in heaven."

Lynette: "Or wherever."

Parker: "What if the crazy lady comes back?"

Tom: "She won't."

Parker: "How do you know?"

Tom: "Well, because she's...up in heaven with auntie Nora."

Lynette: "Or wherever."

Susan: "Are you crazy? If we don't do something, those two could end up having sex!"

Edie: "Could?"

Susan: "Oh, my God. You don't..."

Edie: "Let me put it this way. I got a box of condoms in my dresser. Eleven are gone. I can only account for eight of 'em."

Lynette: "Okay, I should be back at around six. They can have one snack. Try and push apples, but if they threaten violence, I have an emergency candy bar under the sink."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Not anymore you don't."

Parker: "You're gonna get shot again."

Lynette: "No, I won't. Lots of mommies go to the store every day, and they're fine. It's really not a scary place."

Parker: "You went to the store, and you got shot, and auntie Nora died."

Lynette: "I'm only gonna be in there ten minutes, I promise."

Parker: "Can't she go?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "Fine. I'll go."

Lynette: "Thanks."

Mrs. McCluskey: "Don't give a hoot if I get shot, do ya, kid?"

Gabrielle: "Aren't you a little worried that I'm gonna pull focus? I mean, it's a little confusing. People are gonna see Tanya, and then they're gonna see that guy, and they're gonna wonder who I am."

Durkin: "You're the mom.."

Gabrielle: "People aren't gonna buy that, so here's what I was thinking. I slap on one of those gowns, I play Tanya's big sister home from college to raise a little hell."

Durkin: "And we're gonna cram all that on a subtitle, are we?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "Hiya, Mike. Welcome home. You remember me?"

Mike: "Yeah, I think so. The corner house with all the gnomes out front?"

Mrs. McCluskey: "You're thinking of Martha Huber. Terrible story. Someone beat her to death, and then buried her in the forest. Ironic, huh? Isn't that where gnomes live?"

Mike: "I don't really know that much about gnomes."

Bree: "Now you listen to me. That woman gave you life, and the Fifth Commandment tells us to honor our parents no matter how hideous or repellent they may be."

Orson: "That's not exactly what..."

Bree: "Orson, it's implied!"

Mary Alice: "There are so many things we wish we could tell the young. We'd like to persuade them not to grow up so fast, but they won't listen. We want to tell them that beauty fades, but they refuse to believe it. We warn them that their actions will have consequences, but still they defy us. Sadly, the young can't begin to understand the world is a dangerous place. So it's up to us to do anything we can to protect them. Absolutely anything."