Desperate Housewives
Season 3, Episode 9
Air date November 19, 2006
Written by Dahvi Waller
Susan Nirah Jaffee
Directed by David Grossman
Episode Guide
"Children and Art"
"The Miracle Song"

This episode is Season 3's 9th episode.

Guest StarringEdit


Ian and Susan are coming out of the restaurant. They want to spend night at Ian’s mansion. They arrive and they express gratitude for the perfect evening. In the morning, Susan is awoken by the butler Rupert. He is already acting cold towards her. Ian walks into the room and he is surprised to see Rupert because he thought that he was out of town visiting his sister. Rupert tells him that that would be next weekend, he also tells him that he is happy that he met his girlfriend, in very ironic way. Rupert goes to make her a breakfast.

Mary Alice narrates: Susan’s life had indeed become a fairy tale. But what is a fairy tale without a dragon to slay.

She also says: Dangerous men walk among us. We can’t be sure of is how they are or where they hide.

Lynette and Tom are at the police station reporting that Art is a pedophile. The police officer asks them if the man had something to hide why would he show that to her. She says that he wasn’t in the house and police officer now thinks that she broke in. Lynette walks away angry.

Vern is at Gaby’s house and tells her that she will have to find new personal dresser because he is starting his own business. He is starting a beauty center, consulting for beauty pageant contestants. Vern tells her that it would be fun if she stopped by and gave the little girls some tips. Gabrielle tells him that her divorce is now final and Carlos is officially out of her life. Ultimalely, she agrees to help Vern.

Susan walks into the room and Ian tells her that Rupert is making breakfast. He tells her that Rupert is practically family and is extremely devoted to Jane. Susan realizes that explains why he was cold to her this morning. She tells Ian that she would need a drawer in his house. Rupert walks into the room and Ian tells him about the drawer and naturally, Rupert is not pleased.

Hodges and Van de Kamps have dinner. Gloria is angry because the liquor drawer has lock on it. Bree tells her that she can’t drink and that she found lipstick on a vodka bottle. Gloria is having the dinner Bree made for her, but she wants to eat what everybody else is having. Gloria wants to say the prayer and she asks God to help her and to find a little bit of compassion in the cold Bree’s heart. She also adds she wants out of this prison and Orson to buy her a new house. Orson can’t afford that but Gloria threatens him.

Orson is with Bree in the kitchen and tells her that they need to get rid of her.

Mike is looking through the window and sees two detectives sitting in the car. Edie wants to help him and she takes care of his bills. Mike walks outside and tells the detectives to leave him alone. He walks back into the house and takes the plumbing tools that Karen gave him.

Gabrielle is late for her pageant consult and when she sees the girls she freaks out and Vern tells her that they need help. Gabrielle will help him and starts giving those tips about beauty.

Carlos comes into Mike’s house and tells him that they are best friends and that he couldn’t see him sooner because he had divorce problems. He asks Mike if he can stay in his house for a couple of months and Mike tells him that he can’t say no to his best friend.

Lynette is watching through the window at Art’s house. She is panicked. Art is walking towards her house to return her the plate and Lynette goes outside and takes it. He tells her that he and Rebecca, his ill sister, enjoyed it. He asks her what does she thinks about the place. She tells him that she didn’t look around. Parker gets out of the house and asks Art if he can play his pinball game again. Lynette is in shock and Art walks away.

Gabrielle gives tips about walking down the runway but the girls can’t do that as she planned. She tells them about the runway models and gives them more details on her modelling adventures.

Edie shows Gloria, Bree and Orson a new house for sale. The house is all dirty and old but they can’t afford better. Gloria goes into tour with Edie while Bree is trying to talk Orson out of it. She tells him that there is a liquor store across the street. Orson tells her that she has to worry about them not about Gloria. Gloria falls in the kitchen and Bree now wants to take her home because she can’t take care of herself.

Gabrielle is eating pizza with the girls. She tells them about modeling times and what models did to stay skinny like finger down their throat or cigarettes killing their appetite. Gabrielle goes to talk with Vern and all the girls won’t eat pizza anymore.

Susan talks with Rupert and shows him a shirt with the Union Jack on it she bought him. She invites him to go to look for the drawer with her but he can’t go because he has all that silver to polish. She wants to help him and starts polishing the silver with him but she is not doing that right. He tells her that they have to go to find the drawer.

He shows her the entire room fool of old things and cat passed away in this room and smell horrible. Susan tells him that she needs a little drawer. He calls her mistress and then a whore and she slaps him. He tells her that Ian is still in love with his wife because every Jane stuff in this house is on the place where she left them three years ago.

Tom tells Lynette that he needs to go to Mike’s house to fix something but he goes there and watches the game with Mike and Carlos.

Gabrielle bought beauty make up for girls but Vern tells her that she won’t be coming anymore. Girl started smoking and they were caught with their fingers down their throat because of Gaby’s ‘’tips’’. He fires her.

Lynette fell asleep and Parker went outside.

Mike asks the guys what was he like before the accident and Carlos his "best friend" tells him that he was mysterious.

Lynette wakes up and sees that Parker is not there and she goes to Art’s house to look for her son. She goes into the basement and everything is gone and Art says that he donated all to children hospital.

Parker is with Tom and Lynette is back home and Tom tells her that she can’t just like that rush into peoples home. Tom tells her to go to shrink that he would help her because she had been under a lot of stress since the supermarket. She tells him that he is right that she needs to talk to somebody.

Lynette is talking with Karen and tells her about photos. Karen tells her that she can’t sit on this one and starts calling everybody to warn them about Art.

Ian talks with Susan about Jane and Susan tells him that she understands. Ian is mad because Rupert didn’t find her a drawer and he opens the first one and removes all Jane’s stuff.

Gloria is not having dinner. Bree wants to take the dinner into her room and Andrew tells her that he will. He rushes into the room and tells Gloria to hide the wine. Bree walks into the room and sees Gloria with wine and Gloria tells her that Andrew charged her 20 dollars plus 5 for the corkscrew. Orson walks into the room and tells Gloria that she is in their house she needs to obey their rules. Bree tells her that she can’t blame Orson for everything. Gloria then tells Bree about Monique and how he cheated on Alma with her. Bree runs out of the house.

Gabrielle comes to the beauty center and she wants to apologize for everything. She tells the mothers that they have family and reason to wake up in the morning. They all give her another chance.

Orson is back home and Bree is waiting for him. He tells her that he had been looking everywhere for her. She tells him that they are done. Alma is missing and Monique is dead and that freaks the hell out of her. She gives him his suitcases and he leaves the house.

Quotes: Edit

Mary Alice: "Susan Mayer had never thought of herself as Cinderella, but then one day, a prince showed up. And Susan realized her life had become a fairy tale. And since her prince had welcomed her into his castle, she felt the least she could do was thank him again and again and again. The next morning, however, Susan discovered castles don't run themselves. Yes, Susan's life had indeed become a fairy tale. And what's a fairy tale without a dragon to slay? We know dangerous men walk among us. What we can't be sure of is who they are or where they hide. So the most we can offer any stranger is reasonable doubt. But once the doubt is gone, people are anything but reasonable."

Cop: "Here's what's odd...if your neighbor had something to hide, why'd he invite you in to see all of his stuff?" Lynette: "He wasn't technically home when I went inside." Cop: "So you broke in?" Lynette: "The door was open...I was bringing him a cake." Cop: "A cake?" Lynette: "It was a thank you cake. He sort of saved my life." Tom: "She didn't know that he was a pedophile when she baked the actual cake."

Tom: "Look, I'm sorry. She's been under a lot of stress, hasn't slept well." Lynette (from the other room): "You better not be apologizing for me!" Tom: "Gotta go."

Gabrielle: "Well, I hope it's more fabulous than this dress. I look like something Ike Turner would hit." Vern: "You're gonna have to find yourself another personal shopper." Gabrielle: "What, I slam one dress, and you quit on me?"

Gabrielle: "Beauty by Vern. You're opening up a salon? God, could you get any gayer?" Vern: "It's a consulting firm for beauty pageant contestants. Gabrielle: "And the answer's yes."

Vern: "You have been in rare bitch form. It's been months now, so don't blame it on your cycle." Gabrielle: "Don't call me a bitch, and stop tracking my cycle. I told you that freaks me out."

Ian: "Do you think we'll be here that often?" Susan: "Your shower has six power nozzles. With or without you, I'll be back."

Orson: "Yes, she's threatening to make us miserable till we cave. Look, at least see if Edie has any cheap listings. We'll be happier, my mother will be happier..." Bree: "Yeah, and she'll take terrible care of herself and be dead in a year." Orson: "You just stole my next argument."

Vern: "Not everyone wins the genetic lottery like you did. These girls need help finding the promised land of beauty and style. Please, Gabrielle, be their Moses." Gabrielle: "Good comparison, because it's gonna take a miracle to turn these mutts into show dogs."

Isabel: "I was walking!" Gabrielle: "You were totally walking! Good job! All right, Donna, you're next. Get up there and make me hate your beauty."

Edie: "Let's try to be positive, people. Fabulous location. Just walking distance to all sorts of fun shops. " Bree: "Right, from here I can see a bail bondsman and an adult bookshop." Edie: "What do you expect in your price range? Tara?"

Bree: "You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores." Orson: "And we'll owe them all an apology, but who cares? She likes it."

Susan: "What is that smell?" Rupert: "Oh, yes, about that. The cat passed away in this room." Susan: "Did you consider removing the body?"

Mary Alice: "Dangerous men walk among us, and we can't always be sure of who they are or what secrets they hide. But once our worst suspicions are confirmed, we can take action. Once their agendas are revealed...we can take steps, to protect ourselves, and those we love. Yes, dangerous men can cause great harm. But sometimes the greatest danger they pose is to themselves."